The Return of Mr Afro Dude
by Gaia Storm
Summary: Stupid fic that I started forever ago. Includes Mr. Afro Dude and Tortallans attacking Avril Lavigne. No flames, please, even if you are dumb enough to like Avril.


I have gone insane once again (sense when am *not* insane?!) and accepted the challenge issued by Lady Reena. May the Goddess Tammy forgive me. Again. 

This is the challenge:

Write a Tamora Pierce or Harry Potter fic that contains: 1. A bouncy ball 2. Internet 3. An orange cat 4. A box of lucky charms 5. Someone who is greatly amused by nothing whatsoever 6. A random useless fact 7. Someone famous in our day (Britney Spears, etc.) and makes fun of them 8. The word PLOOP 9. The colors red and black. That's it! 

Um…this takes place at no particular time. It's a Crazy Fic. It's not supposed to make sense.

I started this fanfic on September 13, 2002. It's now September 26, 2003. A little outdated, but oh well. I decided to go through and finish my incomplete fanfics, because I'm running low on ideas for originals.

3 3 3 3  KEL/NEAL FOREVER!!!!!  3 3 3 3

A/N: I don't own Tamora Pierce characters, Lucky Charms, the Internet, cats, waffle irons, Avril Lavigne, guitars, vicious peppers, teenyboppers, the word "ploop", orange juice, cabbage, bouncy balls, the term "rawk", plaid, Tortall, or George W. Bush. I do, however, currently claim rights to Planet Avrilfan and Avrilium stupidious, unless someone has used them in a stupid fanfic before me… in which case, they get the rights. Please don't sue me – I need to save all the money I have for King Richard's Faire.

Now, try to enjoy the story, dumbasses.

THE RETURN OF MR. AFRO DUDE

        "Geez, Kel! Wake up! It's time for breakfast." Cleon of Kennan yelled, pounding on the door of his friend, Keladry of Mindelan. Suddenly, someone tapped him on the shoulder. He turned, and was shocked to see Kel.

        "Cleon, I'm up, and hungry. Let's go."

        "How…what…who…when…?" Cleon sputtered, looking at Kel, then at the door.

        "I'm cheating on you, Cleon. I spent the night with Neal. Shall we go down to breakfast?" 

        "Sure," he said. As they walked down to get food, they heard uncontrollable laughter (obviously coming from someone who was greatly amused at nothing) from down the hall. As they got closer, they could hear that it was the infamous Mr. Afro Dude. (A/N: What did you expect? That I *wouldn't* bring Mr. Afro Dude into it? You obviously don't know me very well.) In the mess hall, Kel and Cleon sat with their regular group of friends. Kel was shocked to see boxes of Lucky Charms on the table. Suddenly, Mr. Afro Dude walked in, cackling. 

        "Hey!" he yelled. "Hey, guess what?"

        "What?" the people chorused.

        "The waffle iron was invented by someone who didn't like waffles! Isn't that funny?!" he screamed, then started running around the room, cackling like a maniac. Then, suddenly, he waved his hands, and a laptop appeared between his hands. "Look! Mommy, look! It's the In-ter-net! The Internet! Look, Mommy, if I press this little button here, then this little screen pops up and I can find out whatever I want about whatever I want! Isn't that kewl-ness?!" he threw the laptop at Kel. When she tried to catch it, it transformed into a huge, orange cat. As Kel's hands closed around it, the cat yowled and dug its claws into her arm. She screeched, making the feline hiss, and dropped the scared animal onto the table. It scooted around, four paws whirling, and finally managed to get off the table, leaving a pile of spilt cups and ruined food in its wake.

        "Oh, ploop," Cleon sighed, staring at the puddle of orange juice in his lap. "I liked these breeches, too."

        "Ohmigod! Ohmigod!" Mr. Afro Dude shrieked, pointing out the windows to the training fields. "Ohmigod! It's the pop princess, Avril Lavigne! She's out there! Let's go throw cabbage at her!" He made a dash for the door and ran towards the fields, Kel and most of her friends – and enemies – following behind. 

        Avril was standing on the field, her black electric guitar strapped across her back, where she obviously wasn't using it. Her band was creating all the music behind her. She noticed her audience, smiled her stupid poser smile, and began speaking.

        "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! Like, omigod! Like, I was, like, pretending to skate yesterday, and, like, this guy told me that I suck! Like, what's up with that? I mean, like, come ON! I'm Avril and I'm PUNK and I RAWK!"

        Mr. Afro Dude chucked a cabbage at her face. "Sing, bitch!" he yelled, whipping the air with a sexy leather cat o'nine tails. Avril looked at him in shock, her red painted nails curled dramatically in an evil-kitty look.

        "Like, whatever! Fine!" she retorted… actually, she screeched. She wasn't smart enough to know a word such as "retort", let alone use it. Before Kel or anyone could utter a protest, she leapt right into "Complicated". Without her computer-generated voice enhancers, she sounded even more horrible than usual. Kel and her companions, along with Mr. Afro Dude, picked up the random cabbages that had appeared on the ground and began chucking them at her, screaming obscenities. 

        Suddenly, a whole shitload of vicious hot peppers began to rain from the sky. They attacked Kel and Co. with as much vigor as they could muster from their three-inch-long selves. They were the guardians of Planet Avrilfan, where all of Avril's adoring teenybopper fans came from. They had all been normal people, then they were kidnapped by these nasty little peppers and brainwashed to like shitty pop songs. It was the only way that Avril would have been able to muster any fans. However, since George W. Bush is a dumbass and most likely an Avril-lover, he has made no move to shut down this evil operation.

        Anyway, the peppers swooped down, shouting the obscenities right back in their squeaky little pepper-ish voices. They chucked red-and-black plaid bouncy balls at the Avril haters, who, in turn, just produced more cabbages to throw. 

        Kel and Co. managed to suppress the peppers, with the help of the amazing Mr. Afro Dude. Mr. Afro Dude also went up on stage to attempt to hump Avril's leg and make her go away, but she ran before he got a chance. When she had left, the inhabitants of Tortall let out a cheer. Their beautiful country would never again be plagued by the deadly virus, Avrilium stupidious. They also allowed Mr. Afro Dude to stay in the palace, at kind of an "I-saved-the-country-now-I-can-bang-any-chick-I-want" sort of position.

        Oh, yeah, and they all lived happily ever after. Except for Cleon, because Kel dumped him in order to screw Neal a lot. Mr. Afro Dude got plenty of sex, so he was happy. And Avril was, unfortunately, happy as well, because she was back on Avrilfan surrounded by all of her tie-wearing worshippers and vicious peppers. And yeah. The authoress is out of ideas.

A/N: Yay! All done. Now I'll post it so people can see what I dumbass I am. Hehehe…


End file.
